At Toby's wedding in January, Adam A. pointed out to me that I am no longer a journalist and (despite how obvious this should have been seeing as *I* quit the newspaper job over four months ago and haven't been living in amnesiac confusion in the woods since September) I felt an electric shock shoot through... my liver? Not a journalist? How could I not be a journalist? The answer, of course, being that one stops being a journalist when one is no longer doing any sort of journalistic work. "Journalist" is not a personality type or a hair color or an ethnic identity. Huh.
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Listening to: a lot of "Barton Hollow" by The Civil Wars. Exquisite harmonies make me cry in public. It gets very awkward. Last night, listening to NPR on the drive to M's house, they played a segment from a female composer's voice project and it made me gasp. What I learned in the CCC music program was that we respond so strongly to stringed instruments because they remind us of the human voice. The segment NPR played had a woman's voice falling almost dissonant over very low male voices and then bleeding effortlessly into a violin solo. It was lovely.
Reading: "Beasts of No Nation" by Uzodinma Iweala. About a boy in a West African nation who is pressed into child soldiery. I don't even know how to describe it yet. I had to fall asleep for a while after reading the first couple of chapters. It's like my mind and soul couldn't handle it. It's too terrifying and rending. It probably didn't help that I was going over my old domestic violence newspaper stories to include in the writer residency application. All I could think of was pain and how right in the moment I'm reading about it, there are child soldiers out there sleeping or dying or eating or peeing or being born.
Thinking: About how the Bible says to do all things for the glory of God. I kind of wonder if God says that because he knows it's going to be consuming enough and wearying enough to find out just how to live a decent life in the short time we're given. We're not all going to be Bible scholars and most of the time we're going to be desperately trying to survive. However, if we give everything to God in the first place it kind of takes care of setting aside extra extra time to God. All time is God's, or something. We don't have to tack it on in addition to all the other stuff we need to get around to doing. Is that heretical? It made better sense in my mind.
Writing: Still working on the residency application. It needs to be finished soon. I'm sending the bulk of it off to Tiffany today for editing (THANK YOU, MY DEAR) and hopefully M. will take a look at it tonight and maybe you, Dad/Mumsy? Except, as my parents your job is to tell me it's perfect so that I can stretch like a cat and take a nap.
Oh Yeah and I Also Read: "Harriet the Spy" which I think might be my favorite book of all time (or close to it). I identify with Harriet in many ways. The constant note-taking. The story-telling. The sacredness of privacy: NOBODY BETTER TRY TO READ MY NOTEBOOKS. The sneaking around into people's lives... although I never went into houses. Clarke told me once it was cold and scientific how I would fall suddenly silent and watch people. I think I believe I'm invisible and I do love to observe.
Eating: Mostly vegan and vegetarian and feeling fantastic about it. I prepared a fully vegan dinner last week and it came out so good and now my cooking confidence has been boosted about a million points. I'm making a vegan butternut squash & tomato soup tomorrow.
Planning: A trip out of town with M. to visit friends up and down Oregon next week and hopefully seeing the fam-fam at some point. We're going to Coos Bay and then Eugene. Oh man oh man, Eugene! I haven't been back in almost a year. I can't believe it. I'm way overdue for some Kari Spohn and Diana Glasser time plus the other dozen or so people I miss so much who still live there. Plus I need to wander through the university and feel nostalgic about ye old collegiate days of scholarship and camaraderie. Or something.
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1) You're not a heretic, yet.
ReplyDelete2) Make sure you read something full of light for every darkness - life needs the balance of what God is doing. We watched a horrible, dark show a couple nights ago on trafficking and followed it up with some Toy Story 3 so we could sleep. ;)
3) PLEASE include some Hayes in your Oregon trekking - I never see you anymore!
4) You are still a writer - the journalism may come and go, but your words are still worth pouring out. The rest of us like to read them.