grumpy bad mood face plant

When I'm in a bad mood my first thought is always about how much I don't want to go to work.

Followed quickly by a snap judgment of someone I don't know. For example: a woman who clomped by me a minute ago wearing high heels. She is walking like she's wearing high heels (spine at a balancing angle, sending bottom skyward and arms forward to dangle like vines without a wall to climb). No chin and her face looks like it hurts... kind of like how portraits of George Washington's face make it seem like his face should hurt just because it's his face.

So I'm sitting behind my computer thinking: Women should practice wearing shoes at home before they try to hike around town in them. Yeah, that's right, boo and etc.

Completely pointless to sit and think this. Who cares? Why do I care? Why all the sudden hostility (which I just tried to spell as "histility" which just goes to show you... something or other). I also have suddenly realized my earbuds are in my ears and I'm not listening to anything. Probably I should be judging myself.

So anywayzzzz.

I'm tempted to take up Nina on her offer to cover my Friday shift. I feel brainless and behind. There are about a million people I need to call back but haven't because of my bizarre work schedule this week and I've forgotten to recharge my phone. There's so much writing I've been holding back and the Alcohol Server test I need to take sometime before the end of tomorrow and an apartment to clean and an application for GREAT BASIN NATIONAL PARK to fill out.

Yesterday, on my coffeehouse shift, I poured coffee into a cup for Stephen-from-the-County and I told him about Great Basin National Park (now: GBNP, for convenience and laziness) and he was like, "Oh yeah, Lehman Caves, bam, this mountain that's there, bam, off that highway, bam, BAM!" So yeah, he knows of it apparently. First person so far.

It's in Nevada. In the wilderness. I'm trying to live there for a month this year. I looked at the past recipients of this arts residency I'm applying for and they were all people in their latter days who paint mountains in garish colors and do things with stained glass so I think I'll be a novelty: young, writer, female. Also, I want to make my time there really work for the park, bring in the journalism a bit, give them all sorts of free marketing labor. I'm crafting an IDEA and I think it's awesome. Hopefully they do too otherwise I need a new plan.

One of my favorite songs is playing: "Down in the Valley" by... wait it'll come to me... The Head and The Heart. It makes me think of last spring/summer... mostly of a trip Spencer, M., Sasha and I took down to Newport and I discovered the Good Parts of Newport, about two streets worth: the Irish public house (at which real Irish people work) and the progressive bakery with amazing breakfast sandwiches and people who look like they spend a lot of time thinking about moving to places like Portland.

Ok. I have to go to work soon. Some quick thoughts to jolt me into positive thinking so I don't age prematurely (I've been worried about this recently. Ridiculous. Or is it?):

- baking tomorrow morning! (I love my bake shifts with all my heart heart heart)
- maybe going to Portland on Saturday (brothers! parents! friends! SOPHIE!!!!)
- maybe staying here on Saturday but going hiking with M (exercise! outdoors! vistas! beer!)
- Sunday (God! piano playing! naps!)
- Martha comes home tomorrow (home-making! Marta hugs! Marta kisses!)
- tonight (movie night with Spencer! "Fivel Goes West"! We've already watched "The Prince of Egypt" and "Milo & Otis" and we usually sip on whiskey and relive our childhoods and it's amazing)