"Did you hear that? That's the story I just wrote. Yes, yes, I know we had a bargain. I just said I'd write it, I didn't say I wouldn't tear it up! It's all in little pieces now, Walter, and I hope to do the same for you some day!
...[to the other reporters] And that, my friends, is my farewell to the newspaper game."
- Hildy Johsnon, His Girl Friday
Some responses to my impending departure from the newspaper:
1. "Gotta do what you gotta do" (always accompanied by a shrug and eyes swinging to the right... usually said to me by older men looking at a lean retirement in a poor economy)
2. "Short timer!" - county official
3. "Yeah, well that's good. You should probably live like a normal person for a while." - female friend
4. "Well. Good luck. If I see you around town, I'll throw something at you." - drug cop
I put in my notice two weeks ago for many reasons and then (of course) all those reasons seemed silly at different times and then very important and now (looking back) it's a strange roller coaster heart break mess. I came out belly up in the best way, though, floating on my back. I (thanks, God) quit without a job to turn my hand to and within a couple days had two new jobs. Probably the most painless job search I've ever experienced. The second job jumped me, in fact.
Me: [stumbling in with my sad "did I make the right decision?" face and in need of morning coffee]
Coffee Shop: "So were you serious when you said you might be looking for other work?"
Me: "Yep."
Coffee Shop: "Wannaworkhere?"
And in the midst of career upheaval, I...
a. moved to a new apartment ("You could do cartwheels in here!" said Marta when she helped me move furniture. And then she proceeded to do two, from the dining area to the living room. I've tried a couple down the hallway, but the close walls scare me and I over think what I'm trying to do, as my bruised elbows and knees prove.
Yes, the apartment is huge and I've been wanting to buy a dog just so I can call to something and hear it scamper through rooms for at least five minutes before I actually see it.
I finally have room for all my books and the instruments are airing out and getting played. I've fallen asleep on my couch a couple times -- I have a couch! I can have people over for dinners and tea. Yay yay.)
b. cried for two weeks straight (I document it because the body is a fascinating thing and why we cry is really weird to me especially since crying shows very clearly that you are hurting or confused... basically, you're in need, yet, few people want to be seen crying. I know I don't. So why do it? Because we can be as stoic and snobby as we want but the body will not be denied its expression of pain! Take that, mind. You can't win)
c. saw the end of the Fitzhugh case only to have Them slap an incorrect headline on top of it. Oh well. This is how Katie learns to let go and be less prideful. This is also how Katie learns about rage and not expressing it. Here's the story.
Background: this case first began last August, about the same time I took over the cops beat. It was my introduction to a lot of things and a lot of people: domestic violence, detectives, the Women's Resource Center, murder trials, etc. I didn't expect it to end until February 2012 and I was going to stay at the paper at least till then. But (suddenly) there was a settlement conference and (suddenly) the whole case was wrapping up. I didn't plan to quit the paper at the same time, but so it turned out.
A detective who I'd pestered constantly about this case came up to me after the sentencing, shook my hand and said, "Well. Full-circle. Good luck out there."
---
I'll miss the job but I'm excited about what comes next mostly because I have no idea. I have work lined up that will keep me in food and shelter. Beyond that, got some plans, but nothing too dramatic. I will play a lot of music (sitar, your time has finally come), write stories (possibly books? the mind reels), make food, and calm the h down. Perhaps I will work on being a more useful friend... less frantically busy and stressed-out and forgetful. One of the churches in town asked me to be more involved with developing music during worship -- I'll try anything once (except for heroin... I do have some principles).
Now that I'm seeing the end of the newspaper job and have more or less accepted it, I'm excited about what I can do. Alternative small town online news website, anyone? I'm not out of this game by a long shot. It's too addicting and (besides) too many sources still like me and will tell me things. There's also going to be some traveling in the future. I want to see the United States. I also really want to go to Montana. Marta said she'll teach me how to snowboard. I told her death comes to us all anyway so why not?
“We would rather be ruined than changed;
We would rather die in our dread
Than climb the cross of the moment
And let our illusions die.”
- W.H. Auden
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