super powers

Look at this picture, gaze deep into its soul. What do you see? The answer should be whatever's a degree less than all-encompassing divinity and power. But don't say "God" because that would be blasphemous. If you were, for example, to say Batman, though, you'd be all clear and good to go for the next 50 years -- depending on how old you are now. If you're already 50, I'm sorry, you probably only have 30 more years, best case scenario.

So, Batman. Superhero, right? Superheroes in general we can approve of? Yes. Batman is special though and he's special precisely because he isn't...um...special. He wasn't born in a radioactive basement in Kansas, or dipped in the lightening bath of the gods one quiet spring day, nothing he's eaten (and nothing that's nibbled on him) has caused him to break out in wings or gills or magnum force death rays. Instead, he's just got moxy. And, yes, endless wealth. We'll give that a nod. But, in general, he's just average and took a lot of those taekwondo classes, the kind you see when you're walking down an unsightly strip of suburban America and they're usually next door to a furniture store or an empty piano showroom.

He relies on gadgetry, wit and his knowledge of humanity to get through the day. Just like the rest of us. More or less. Right?

So, taking a look at my own activities and lifestyle, what would be my superpower if I were more Batman-ish? I've come up with a list.

My superpowers consist of...

1. Being able to just kill at driving around the roundabout off of the Youngs Bay Bridge. Roundabouts should be one smooth movement, precision is everything. Don't hesitate. Don't doubt. Line it up in your mind like a Tetris game. I have to say, I was born to drive that roundabout. With all superpowers though there's always kryptonite or some limiting factors, like no shark repellent in the old utility belt, for instance. Shark attacks not being things one plans for very often. So...things that dampen my power in this area are: Washington drivers who go to darningly slow and mess up the whole precision aspect of a smooth sail through the roundabout.

2. Going all day without eating. I don't start feeling sick, I don't get cranky, and I could still go on a hike with you if you asked me. If this isn't a legitimate super power, I don't know what is. Kryptonite: I need a glass of water right away in the morning or I'll feel awful. But this is true whether I skip food or not.

3. I can play Tom Wait's "Rains on Me" on the ukulele. This superpower is more akin to how Batman can kick people really hard. Lots of people can kick people really hard. It's not special. On the flip, you'd never want to be the person who CAN'T kick people really hard.

4. I can hear sirens in my sleep and distinguish between Medix sirens and law enforcement sirens. But my brain might just be making this up. Kind of like how Batman often trusts Catwoman and maybe only 50% of the time that ends up being a good idea and in that 50% of it being a good idea, half the time he's pretty sure it isn't.

I slept in late this morning and watched "Batman Begins" while eating breakfast (which was mostly kale and carrots, not the best breakfast), so I'll leave you with this:

"Well, you know how it is, Mr Fox. You're out at night, looking for kicks, someone's passing around the weaponized hallucinogens..."