break

photo by Alex Pajunas

Gonna see the sister this week because I have myself a new (ish) car and two days off of work. Brother #2's coming with me. There will be extensive documentation and lots of coffee. I need this break so badly.

I finished up the domestic violence series and Friend C. (not to be mistaken for C., who is also my friend but who doesn't live here anymore) was a kind and intelligent person and made sure I was scrambling all over jetties and beaches right after work on Friday morning so I couldn't obsess over the story and make myself crazy. I was so physically exhausted by the time he dropped me off back at home later that afternoon that all I could do was crawl into bed and watch "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit" and go to sleep. Hmmmm...sleep. I'd had barely any since Wednesday.

Here's that last story. I got a text from one of the women I interviewed after she read the story. It was so encouraging and kind. I was nervous about getting everything right, telling things truthfully...not just accurately, but getting the heart right.

Saturday, I finally crashed. Mumsy and Dan (Brother #3) delivered my new car to me and took away ZF. After they left, I just sat around, baked some cookies, read some books. Then came evening and the night of too much emotionality. Which is all kind of hilarious now. Especially when I remember a conversation I had with another friend earlier this week, before I'd finished the story but after I'd just wrapped up two very intense interviews with victims. I was sitting in my car and talking on the phone and telling him that it was a little disturbing to me that all the interviews hadn't really seemed to touch my emotional core. I just listened and wrote notes. I didn't get that sick feeling in my stomach like I used to (and still do) when I'm in court. Well, it all came down on Saturday. Technically, it started when I re-listened to my taped interviews with victims, but I still had a story to write so I was able to stay focused. Once the external prop (i.e. deadlines and writing to accomplish) was out of the way, though, the focus flew away and just left me feeling so unhappy about the world. I can't believe I so blithely proposed this project two months ago.

Anyway. I'm glad I have some time off. I'm going to use it well.